The Ring
Directed by Gore Verbinski

Matt Milton's Review:

The voice of Sabnach has opened my eyes to many things. In The Ring, the mere memory of an entity of higher order wreaks havoc on the fragile matrix of organic society. One is reminded of the coming of various heralds of Galactus in Fantastic Four comics. The destructive shadow in The Ring, however, is an afterimage rather than a forewarning, more like a deadly undertow than a dark cloud on the horizon. Let this film then be thy forethought. That which comes is so terrible that even the knowledge of its existence is a deadly virus in the human soul. Nothing that you know, nothing that you are, can hope to stand before it, nor to rise again after it has passed.

Ed Phillips's Review:

Rock and frickin ROLL! I came to work today and its totally Resident Evil in here! There's blood and some kind of mold on the walls, there's zombies and giant bugs crawling around and there's some kind of giant octopus monster in the managers ofice. I work for an alien! How cool is that?

And the Ring, that's got some good stuff, but its kind of slow. Especially parts where she kills people and we do'nt even get to see them fight. Could have put some kickass martial arts shit in those spots.

Calvin Schultz's Review:

This movie has a powerful pro-life message - toss your child away and you pay the price. The Ring also suggests the subversive power of the liberal media in an innovative way, by depicting it as a vengeful ghost on a videotape, kind of like the specter of the Clinton administration which continues to haunt this otherwise proud nation. Unfortunately, The Ring is also pervaded with Hollyweird liberal plot devices and cheap shocks. I can't endorse it for family viewing.

I wonder if Grotuu approved this selection. It seems to be in violation of his new company policy. Perhaps I'd better have a talk with him, just in case he doesn't know what the editorial staff is up to. I don't envy him the task of whipping these miscreants into shape.

Judith Tolbert's Review:

I liked this movie. It had a clear message. After I saw it, I went home and tried to kill myself, but Grotuu wouldn't let me. Grotuu is in my home. Grotuu is in my car. Grotuu is at my desk. His might pervades all things and all people. Praise Grotuu, He Who Reigns. Please . . . no more leeches. No more leeches.

Grotuu the Unspeakable's Review:

Although Grotuu has much praise for this movie, its selection for review makes Grotuu question even the rudimentary intelligence with which he credited those annoying mammals known as "the editorial staff." Upon devouring the previous administrators and issuing his revised mission statement, Grotuu clearly directed that future reviews should more accurately reflect the selection of movies playing in theaters, not the selection of movies that the editors had lying around on DVD.

However, Grotuu's directive has been ignored. While much more recent than, for example, Seven Samurai, and perhaps not yet available for home viewing (March 4, 2003, and you can preorder now), this movie's release date still falls far short of Grotuu's vision for the New Company. Grotuu was not hired to maintain the status quo. If Grotuu is taken to task by the stockholders for this editorial blunder, blood will be spilled! Grotuu will not be defied!